amano's babble world

I won a domain at Three-words, but I don’t know what name should I get for my site! ^^;

I wonder… Will I get some inspiration by reading Koukou Debut? It’s a really nice manga! I know it’s unrelated, haha! *is addicted to it*

I need to start my assignments tomorrow. I will start with Tamadun Islam first.

What had I done in my holidays? Time wasted! I didn’t do revision! Ouch.

I need to work harder now.

I got 2 fiction to read, it’s awesome!

Man, lots of things to do!

I have no idea why did I write this. I feel so disappointed. Very disappointed.

I taught the kids in a tuition centre. I was angry. Mad. They didn’t behave well just because I was not that strict to them. I thought that they will control themselves. Naive. Too naive. I shouldn’t trust kids. I love kids, but they can’t be trusted at all. I was sad.

I was born in a not rich family, but just a normal small family. I don’t have what I wanted. I don’t have a dad who will give me surprise, I don’t have anyone who will give me surprise. Like, your dad bought you a laptop, but he never told you until you stepped into your room as usual, you found it out on your desk, then you screamed happily and quickly told him. Actually, your dad knew it that it was on your room and it was a surprise for you. How sweet it was. Well, I don’t have that kind of family. I don’t even have a bedroom. I have 2 brothers. I have to share room with one of them. I totally don’t like it. I’m a girl, can’t I have my own privacy? I always comfort myself that I have more than enough. Really. Sometimes, I just can’t hold my feelings. I requested for a Game Boy Colour from mom, long time ago. Mom knew I didn’t request things often, so she promised to buy me one. When we stepped into the shop, I knew that it was such a waste to buy something useless, so I canceled my mind after all.

I hadn’t travel to any place before. No. I hadn’t. It’s true. We don’t have money. I’m jealous to those who can always travel with their family. It’s nice, you know. I want to have a friend who can always share their life story with me, no matter happy or sad. Why I can’t find one? Drama is just a drama, it’s not real after all.

I tried my best, everytime. Keep comforting myself, everytime. I was not a good person. I am more on the evil side, but I am a soft hearted person. I know I always said “no” to help them, but in the end, I will go to lend them a hand. I don’t know what happened to myself.

I had a crush before. It was such a shame to talk about it, and it made me felt terrible. Really terrible. I shouldn’t like him, and I knew it early that we couldn’t make it together. I was glad that we couldn’t make it together. I like him, but not love him, get what I mean? Like is totally different with love. I walked through everything by myself at the end. I felt better after all. I still enjoy being single. I guess that I am not ready for having a relationship with a man. Not matured enough. I will not think about it anyway. I will do what I can now.

When I need helps, no one will be there. I enjoy being alone, that’s why. We can’t always depend on people. I must learn everything by myself. Watch me, and I’ll do it. I will stay strong.

Sometimes, it was funny that I started to imagine my future life. I always think that what will happen to me if I live by myself? In reality, my dad didn’t want to let me to move out to live by myself. I don’t want to enter the college here. I should continue my studies in another university, but dad didn’t allow me to, because he said it was cheaper to stay in here and this college. I was pretty sick with this college. Same dull life. I DON’T WANT. I always think to do everything by myself. I admire those who has roomates or housemates with them. I mean the very sweet and kind roomates… That was a perfect world for me, in my dream. Do everything by yourself, it’s not easy, I know. I just want to try that kind of life. Different style. Ride a bicycle with your cap on, top, bag, trousers and your sport shoes! Wonderful. Alone. Can’t? I know they are worried about me, but I got my own freedom! I’m satisfied with my life, perhaps. I’m sick with my dull life, really. I have my own thinking. I’m greedy and yet sometimes I’m satisfied. I don’t understand myself sometimes.

I know it’s a wrong to think that we should take care on our own things only. Just sometimes, I can’t control myself. I think if we care about ourselves only, there will not be any pain for us. Yes, I know it’s a wrong, but I can’t deny this.

I should work harder for my life. No matter how, stay strong and keep smiling for my days.

I hope that you all will keep smiling no matter how, smile for your days, it’s good and awesome.

Argh. Finally, I write this thanks to those kids, I’m really disappointed to them. Not only them, friends, and myself. I know I’m lost at somewhere, but I still know what should I do. Don’t worry. I just need some time. I want to travel to somewhere else.

Ok, to my goal, I want to be healthier, be thinner, be smarter! If some of you read this and if I made you felt terrible, you have my apologize. Sorry. I’m not that kind of optimistic person, but I’m learning and trying to. Hopefully. Right now, I’m clearing some of my old files in laptop. Haha. Hope that I can sleep well, good night, everyone!